Refreshed

Fresh off a women’s retreat, interestingly named Fresh Encounter, I found myself wondering why I had left so profoundly drained instead of refreshed. The retreat was truly a success; women were bubbling about church the next day and exclaiming how wonderful it was. I was truly thankful for how well the event had gone. The pinnacle of the retreat was when a group of us were praying together in a designated prayer room. Women were allowing themselves to express their hearts with such raw emotion. It was the vulnerability that God asks of us in James 5: 16 where it says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” You could feel His presence right there in the room. It was such a powerful experience that afterwards I had to go to my room for a few minutes to try to take it all in.
The next day as I laid down for a much needed nap I reflected on this feeling of depletion and why I felt this way. I thought back to the journey leading to the retreat and I heard his voice saying, “Haven’t I been with you every step of the way?” This was true; I let everyone know who would listen how I had felt His presence throughout the process and how easy the planning had been. He also said, “Didn’t you pray for Me to use you as I saw fit?” And in fact I did, the whole leadership team did. It finally dawned on me that the refreshment came leading up to the retreat. I normally would come into retreat feeling some stress of some sort but this time it was different. I was calm, I was clear, I was ready; I was there as His instrument. I was there not to be refreshed but to be a tool for His work to be done. It made me remember that I was not only made by God but also for God. Doing God’s work is sometimes difficult but the rewards can be lasting. Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” As I nodded off to sleep a sigh of relief came over me.
Today, as I sit down to write thank you notes to all the leaders I continue to process the retreat; I suspect that I will for some time. Today, refreshed from the weekend, I’m thankful for a truly awesome experience. I’m thankful He used me in His way. I’m thankful He trusts me to care for other women. I’m thankful he allows me to question Him, and I’m thankful He loves me. Today, I’ll ask Him how He can use me again.